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7 Lies Leaders Love to Tell

November 30, 2012 By

The excuses leaders give for doing the wrong thing rarely change. The ingredients for good leadership shift over time, but in my 30 years of teaching leadership, I’ve found the reasons leaders give for not taking these actions or developing new leadership skills such as coaching stay the same.

To reach your highest potential as a leader, be careful of telling the following seven lies:

  1. My employees don’t want me to ask questions. They just want me to give them answers so they can get back to work. This is a lie of convenience. If you think coaching people to work on their own takes up too much time, you will tell this lie. Try believing that the time you take to help people think for themselves will help you save time in the long run. You might see that they enjoy learning more than being dependent on you.
  2. If they need something from me or don’t understand something, they will ask. Even if people compliment you for being approachable, you still hold a title of authority. People might not feel comfortable letting you know they aren’t smart enough to figure something out. They might have a history of other bosses belittling them for not knowing everything. Your employees will appreciate you asking, “What can I do to help you? Is there any support you need?” Then share stories about what you learned from your mistakes so they know it’s okay to be imperfect.
  3. No one is complaining so everything is fine. You may be a good leader but you aren’t perfect. Leaders who don’t spend time sitting with their people at lunch or for coffee and asking questions about how things are going are out of touch with the struggles their people face. Be sincere when you ask what is going on. If you feel they are holding back, ask a third party to hold a focus group or regularly survey the level of engagement to discover what is adding or detracting from giving their best work. When you keep your fingers on the pulse of your team, you will know what you need to do to maintain motivation.
  4. If a good person does something bad, it won’t happen again. They will self-correct. This is the most common rationalization for avoiding giving negative feedback. Whether you worry that people won’t like you or they will react adversely and you won’t know what to do, you need to let people know when their actions have had or will have a harmful outcome. The sooner you share this information, the better. Use the AID model where you describe the Action they took, define the Impact the action had on others and the result, and concisely suggest the Desired action they should take in the future to get a more positive impact and outcome. Be clear about the Impact. That part of the formula will be most meaningful in the interaction.
  5. If I praise my employees, they expect more money or a promotion. Unfortunately, many people are uncomfortable accepting praise. Therefore, they often refrain from giving other people compliments. Giving people positive feedback makes them feel good. Also, they repeat behavior that is acknowledged. Use the AID model outlined above to give positive feedback so people know the impact of their good work. Unless you promised more money or a promotion for their good work, they may want the reward but they won’t expect it. However, they will expect you to recognize them again when they work hard.
  6. The best employees want to be left alone to do their work. Yes, you have problems to solve. But high-achievers want positive feedback too. They want recognition for their good work. They want to know you appreciate their effort and how their contribution is significant. Don’t risk losing your best people because you are too focused on solving problems.
  7. Once most women have children, they don’t want to travel or rise too high on the corporate ladder. This is the greatest lie that leads to top-talent women leaving their jobs. These days, women often have support in raising their children and have found new ways to include their children in their work-life. Ask before you make assumptions about anyone.

Quit believing and telling these lies. Not only will people call you a leader, you will probably find being a leader is easier.

And if you aren’t a leader, please share this with the leaders you know, coach and teach.

Filed Under: Leadership, Professional Development Tagged With: , , , ,

What You Gain with a Future-Focused Brain

September 1, 2012 By

Do you want to keep growing, keeping your life meaningful, interesting and fun? Is part of your job as a leader or coach to help others see their careers flow instead of stagnate? If you answered yes to one or both of these questions, you need set your brain to focus on the future.

Knowing where life is going takes more than an annual review or composing a list of New Year’s resolutions. Keeping your eye on the path should be done in frequent short conversations about what is changing and what is possible.

According to Beverly Kaye and Judy Winkle Giulioni, authors of the new book, Help Them Grow or Watch Them Go, there are three types of conversations you can have to prompt, guide, reflect, explore, activate enthusiasm and drive action focused on development.

  1. Hindsight conversations where you look backward and inward to determine what most energizes and inspires good work.
  2. Foresight conversations looking forward and outward toward changes, trends and the ever-evolving big picture.
  3. Insight conversations where hindsight and foresight converge, shining a light on the best possibilities in the future based on who you are, what you love, and what you do well.

The three conversations are essential because we often make decisions out of fear or frustration instead of by mapping a way forward. Too often, we look at what is popular today without considering 1) who we are at our best and what we most love to do and 2) what will stand out as being more important tomorrow than today.

The conversations can be used for self-discovery as well as to develop others. In today’s world, retention, engagement and productivity depend on people feeling their careers are in flow. These small and regular conversations will decrease the gossip, worrying and complaining that occurs when people aren’t sure about where they are going.

Even in self-discovery, it is good to have a “thinking partner” to have these conversations with. A coach, colleague or friend who wants the best for you can help you stand back and answer questions focused on your future that will continually challenge and satisfy you.

Kaye and Giulioni say the frequency of the conversations is important. “When you reframe career development in terms of ongoing conversations rather than procedural checkpoints or scheduled activities, suddenly you have more flexibility and the chance to develop careers organically, when and where authentic opportunities arise.”

In Help the Grow or Watch them Go, the authors provide powerful questions for each of the conversations, provoking reflection, insight, constructive discomfort, and ultimately, action. All it takes to use their questions is having a genuine curiosity. “Curiosity might be the most under-the-radar and undervalued leadership competency in business today,” say Kay and Giulioni. Yet cultivating a true sense of wonder can ignite your own enthusiasm as well as the energy of others.

Constant questioning can stimulate creative tension as it brings up uncertainty about the future. Yet when it comes to our lives, few people live peacefully in a comfort zone. You are either moving forward or feeling stuck and a failure. As a coach, I have experienced many times how a period of contemplation following a thoughtful and powerful question eventually sparks answers and fuels a sense of forward motion.

Consider these questions:

1. Looking at your past, what has disappeared from your ambition and desires? If you allow these to go, what opens up for you instead?

2. When someone you know introduces you to a stranger, how do they describe who you are and how you stand out? How can you apply these traits and expertise even more powerfully in the future?

3. What do most people around you complain about not being able to do? Is there a way you can help them get what they need?

4. When you look at what is possible for you in the future, what would you most regret not trying?

Keep a notebook to jot down moments where you feel truly joyful and inspired. These are clues you can use when calculating your future.

Notice when others experience these moments. Take the opportunity to ask them how they can design their future to repeat these experiences.

Weave these questions and ideas into your thoughts and conversations. Hope is both a wonderful emotion to feel and a great gift to give to others.

Filed Under: Brain Tips, Happiness and Wellness, Leadership, Professional Development Tagged With: , , , , ,

Do You Have the Courage to Sabotage Your Success?

August 11, 2012 By

Which route to success is better for you?  1) exceeding goals and expectations or 2) challenging your goals and expectations to create something better.

The first option can lead to satisfaction, money, rewards, and recognition, even fame, for a while. The second option is harder and may lead  nowhere. Even those who choose the road less traveled often burn out and fall back onto the safer path. So why take it?

If you stay on the first path, success grows more vulnerable over time and becomes demotivating.

Organizationally, the process of cascading goals from the top frequently hurts innovation and efficiency. In privately held and non-profit organizations, there is often a charismatic leader, family head, or controlling director that runs the show, crushing dissent blatantly or subtly. Or the leader picks an impenetrable executive team.

In publicly held companies, leaders bow to the faceless power of shareholders, demanding people meet short term gains over the imagination, experimentation, and adaptability required for longevity. They may give lip-service to creativity, but most corporations are still top-down instead of community-ruled.

Even if you or your organization starts with an openness to all ideas, once a level of success is achieved, ears shut down. Some leaders boast their support of collaboration without seeing this as another form of generating hand-clasping over conflict.

Neuroscientist Dr. Robert Sapolsky has explored why successful people shut down to new ideas. He says when you look at highly accomplished people you find a level of eminence, at least in their own little world. So why should they do anything new? “It’s really difficult to recognize that something is going wrong and needs to be changed,” Sapolsky says. “…it’s 1000 times harder to recognize that something’s right but nevertheless, it’s time to make a change.”

When problems surface, most leaders just ask people to work faster or harder instead of seeking a different approach. I am sure this attitude plays into why the US has dropped to 10th place in the 2012 Global Innovation Index by Insead.

Some leaders act as if they are trying out new ideas when all they are doing is trying something out that worked for them years ago. This isn’t change; it’s regurgitation.

And then if you are given the rare chance to try something new and you make a mistake, the sharks eat you alive.

Some smart employees give up trying. Others take their ideas to competitors or start their own businesses. Unfortunately, once they win the revolution, they fall into the same trap of protecting their positions and making all decisions instead of opening channels to the new ideas of others.

From a neurological perspective, Sapolsky says the brain rules over innovation. People want to recreate what made them feel good and they silence threats to their credibility, control and admiration.

Margaret Heffernan explored this phenomenon in her brilliant Ted talk, Dare to Disagree. She says that our brain drives us to be with people mostly like ourselves. This makes life easier. Organizations strive to hire the best people and then fail to get the best out of them.

So what can you do personally and organizationally to challenge current thinking?

1. Seek creative confrontation. Heffernan suggests mustering the courage to work with people who seek to prove you wrong. Once you fill in the holes they discover, you will know you are right.” It’s a fantastic model of collaboration—thinking partners who aren’t echo chambers.”

Organizationally, build creative confrontation into team charters. Make sure ideas are questioned, not people. Ensure the challenges are intended to improve on ideas, not tear them down. Allow people to try out new ideas after they listen to challenges, bringing their improved suggestions to the table instead of giving up.

2. Practice emotional intelligence. Learn to recognize when you resist new ideas. This requires patience and present-moment awareness, two things busy people lack. You have to be willing to change your mind. Most people agree this is a sign of a real leader yet few leaders practice these skills.

3. Reward courageous thinking. Praise people who question the way things are done. Make “a passionate commitment to ongoing excellence” a requirement of leadership instead of “managing up to make the current leaders look good.”

Sapolsky says that leaders (and families) should provide a “benevolent setting” where failures are an acceptable part of the learning process and people are not punitively blamed for mistakes. Don’t insist on doing it right all the time. Sapolsky says, “You can encourage craziness 50% of the time because all we need is the other 50% to be phenomenal.”

When people can actively explore new possibilities, they work with inspiration and excitement.

4. Seek champions and partners instead of going it alone. One voice can easily be drowned out by a crowd of people trying to appease their leaders. Find one influential person who believes in and will champion your ideas to others. Then enroll others who will help you get the data you need to prove your ideas are right.

5. Travel! Seek people with different backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives. See the world through their eyes. Don’t rely on the Internet. In another TED talk, Eli Pariser explains that search engines keep us in a filter bubble, only linking us to what matches our personal tastes instead of to information that could challenge or broaden our worldview.

Long term success requires we cultivate the habit of being curious and accepting of other’s opinions and ideas. Do you have the courage to go beyond your own success?

Please share you comments and this post. We need to keep the conversation going and support each others great ideas!

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Organizational Culture, Professional Development, Self-Awareness, Team Building, Women in Leadership Tagged With: , , , , , ,

4 Tips for Defining Your Business and Life

November 26, 2011 By

Are you clear about your business brand and career focus? Do these words ignite your passion?

I just returned from my second trip to China. This time, I taught business owners the art of emotional engagement when speaking. The biggest problem I had was getting the owners to focus on one theme for their speeches.

China is going through a business boom. This makes people act like kids in a candy store when it comes to determining the focus of their business and career. They want to do anything that looks like it will bring them success. They bounce around, following the trend of the year or even the month.

It is profound right now in China. Yet I know the urge to follow the shining stars also exists in the United States and Europe. This restlessness is only stifled by the economy that frightens people into more rigid behavior. People are staying in careers and jobs out of fear, not desire. This doesn’t ease their discontentment.

Whether you bounce around with your career and business brand or you stay in one place out of fear, you are not mining the riches found in persistence.

Looking back on my own career, I also bounced around in search of new challenges every few years. I now wonder what I could have accomplished had I stayed longer in one place.

There are two problems with this inability to delay gratification in what you choose to do with your career or the focus of your business:

  1. You do not stay long enough to make the impact that is truly possible with a committed, long-term focus.
  2. You choose your life’s work based on external rewards, which you are always chasing, instead of internal inspiration, which provides more lasting satisfaction.

You might fall victim to one or both detractors.

In Steve Jobs’ famous speech to the 2006 Stanford graduating class, he quoted the words, “Stay hungry. Stay foolish.” Although people tend to respond to the words hungry and foolish as the drivers of his success, the truth is Jobs succeeded through his dogged determination to stay the course. He believed in the value of his work and the possibility of the difference he would make in the world no matter what difficulties he faced. The key word in the quote is, “Stay.”

No person has accomplished great things without a passion for their work and a strong belief that what they are doing is a good thing for many people. They chose work based on internal inspiration. They had no problem defining what they stood for and this stand rarely faltered.

Your voice that defines who you are in the world must come from within. Once you define yourself by this driving passion, you must stay the course to experience true success.

There have been many movies made, including the recent movie Money Ball, where the lead character pursues what he or she believes in despite bad press, angry critics, and misguided family and friends who think they are saving you when their disbelief is actually standing in your way. Yet these protagonists of the movies believe in their cause, and themselves, until they finally succeed.

In his book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell claims that you can master something if you put 10,000 hours into your learning and practice. You can lead a remarkably impactful and lucrative life if you focus, commit and let your belief in your dream drive your decisions.

Short of hitting the 10,000 hours mark, the following tips will help you feel both successful and fulfilled if you take the time to learn as you grow.

  1. Be aware of what you want. I have coached many people, including my Chinese participants, on noticing what gifts they offer and what tasks excite them. When you combine your talents with your joy, you can begin to identify what life path will be most successful for you regardless of what your neighbors are doing. Then 1) create your vision, 2) identify what will get in the way of achieving it and 3) make plans you can flex with as the world around you changes keeping your vision in mind.
  2. Absorb what the critics say as information. Weigh their words against your plans, keeping your voice as the final arbitrator. The naysayer’s words might help you overcome roadblocks as you move on your chosen path. This way, people aren’t roadblocks, they are just data providers.
  3. Be patient and make small tests. As you move on your chosen path, be observant so you can identify what works and what doesn’t. See mistakes as guideposts that keep you going in the right direction after you stumble. Write your goals down and write “victory” next to each one as you achieve it. Don’t give up.
  4. Help others realize their dreams. When most of your conversations are about possibilities instead of problems, you stay in a positive mindset for longer periods of time. You entrench the habit of positive thinking while helping others around you find their way as well.

Don’t let anyone or any trend define your business, career and life path for you. Let your own voice rise above the critics and the glitter. And please don’t settle for doing work that pays the bills, at least in the long run. Define your own life and you will be the winner in the end no matter what happens along the way.

 

Filed Under: Happiness and Wellness, Professional Development Tagged With: , , ,

Make Life Easier by Knowing Your Brand

October 1, 2011 By

You should never be told to quiet your voice, limit your creativity or suppress your spirit because, “The Company says you have to do it this way.” The company or corporation does not have a mouth. Yet the company was built on values and a brand. To be successful, there has to be a match between your personal brand and the one that represents the team, alliance or organization you work with.

First, let me clear up what a company or corporation is. Underneath this explanation are clues to why you will either flourish or fade under your frustration at work. This definition can be applied to how you work with any group of people, including teams, communities and families.

In spite of what some politicians would like you to believe, a corporation is not a person. It is a piece of paper. It’s a series of agreements made by people. It does not have a thinking brain and beating heart. Although we can use metaphors to make the corporation appear to be a living being, a corporation survives on money, not food and affection. And when a corporation dies, there is nothing to bury or burn but the original paper that created it.

However, any work you do with someone else, whether it’s a partnership, alliance, small business or multi-national corporation, is regulated by specific beliefs that the partners or founders—the people—infused into the agreement when it was conceived. This gives the company the sense that it is alive in the form of its values, culture and living brand.

In other words, the team, company or corporation does not have a face but it has a soul, mirroring what is important to the people who came together to create something they couldn’t do alone.

To succeed and even to stand out at work, what you stand for has to align with what the company stands for in the form of the values and the brand that it lives every day. In Built to Last, Jim Collins and Jerry Porras explains that these values guide behavior in daily life across all levels of the organization. Whereas a person’s work values may shift based on their position of leadership, company values and what the organization stands for—the brand—are stable over time.

The core values stay stable even if someone changes the posters and business cards. The values and brand are present in how meetings are run, how people feel when they are at work and what someone tells you when you ask them how they like their job.

Therefore, no matter how good your work is, your success depends on how well you align with the values and brand—the soul—of the company.

I have left companies where it was clear my brand did not align with theirs. If I would have known this before I started the work, I would have moved on in spite of the money offered. Now that I work for myself, I have to be conscious of this alignment when I chose to work with partners and clients. If there is no match, I can’t do my best work.

However, when I was a company employee, my greatest success came when I realized how my best contribution—creating a workplace that is both fun and inspiring for all—aligned with the company’s core values of innovation, experimentation and team spirit. There were other values that didn’t match up to mine very well such as the value for crushing the competition, but when I focused on the match, I was a star.

This process of discovering how you can align what you stand for to what the organization stands for at its core is defined in Suzanne Bates’ new book, Discover Your CEO Brand: Secrets to Embracing and Maximizing Your Unique Value as a Leader (McGraw Hill).

The book is not just for CEOs. It’s for anyone who wants to institute change in a company that benefits both the bottom line and the people who achieve this. It’s about discovering your own values, brand and leadership style, and then determining how this will align with what your organization stands for so you can harness the two to work in concert. Or you can discover when your path needs to start somewhere else where the alignment is clear.

Suzanne says, “The brand begins with the story of you—the experiences that defined you, the lessons you learned, and the ways those lessons shaped your values and beliefs. Once you understand the essence of your brand, you will be able to communicate it to the world. It will become a powerful force, creating positive results. You will be able to leverage that brand of yours to drive tremendous value into your company.”

Personal branding isn’t just about marketing. It’s about your happiness. Know your values and brand and then have the courage to only align with people where you can stand by your brand. If you do this, you will flourish. Otherwise, you will flounder under the conflict with your partners, leaders and your own heart.

Filed Under: Brain Tips, Happiness and Wellness, Leadership, Professional Development, Self-Awareness Tagged With: , , , , , ,

The Difference Between An Inspiring and Boring Goal

July 16, 2011 By

Words make the difference between an inspiring goal and one that loses steam quickly. Whether you are trying to make a change in an organization or in your daily habits, you probably have been told to make your goals SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time Bound (or some variation of words to fit the acronym).

The problem with this guideline is too much emphasis is put on making goals specific and measurable with a deadline whether you are writing a goal for yourself or your team. Not only does this make goals boring, the other two factors – attainability and relevancy - are often assumed and discounted. Why would you set a goal that wasn’t important or one that couldn’t be achieved? Because the goal sounds good.

But goals that sound good are often not met if they don’t also feel good.

Goals must generate positive emotion to truly be smart.

Yes, you don’t want your goals to be ambiguous. Nonspecific goals such as deciding to be a better leader or a healthy eater can mean anything and leave you feeling more guilt than satisfaction. General productivity goals can stifle the creativity needed to make work more efficient.

So a good goal should be specific, but it should also inspire action, not mandate it. The inspiration is best driven by a deep desire for the end result. You need to feel how important the goal is to you and that you have a real chance at succeeding before you will whole-heartedly commit to making it happen.

BRAIN TIP: If you want a permanent shift in behavior, make sure the goal gives you a sense of excitement, hope, pride, or fun. Goals focused on making more sales or losing weight will lose steam if you aren’t emotionally engaged in the vision of what the increase in revenue or loss of pounds will give you. What will people be doing and feeling differently once success is achieved? What deep desires will you fulfill once you meet your personal goals? If your visions conjure more fear than excitement, you might spend more time finding the reasons for failing than you do on reaching your milestones.

Descartes got it wrong when he said, “I think, therefore I am.” When it comes to changing behavior and achieving goals, the truth is, “I feel, therefore I am.”

In my last job as a corporate training manager, I was busy rolling out organizational change programs when my boss asked me to change my priorities. He wanted me to focus on leading the team in charge of rewriting the corporate HR policies. He gave me the goal, the resources and the deadline. I argued about priorities. He won the debate.

The first team meeting was minimally productive and full of conflict. Afterwards, I again argued with my boss, this time saying, “Why me? I am not an HR policy person. I don’t see this as the best use of my time.”

He said,”You are my only staff member who has successfully run a project team before. These changes are critical for the turnaround of this company. You are the only one I can count on to make this happen.”

If he would have made this point first, I would have felt the relevancy of the task and accepted the attainability with confidence. I was now proud to accept the assignment.

If the goal inspires a desired emotion, you are more likely to do what it takes to achieve it and possibly, go beyond expectations.

And it must be a desired emotion. Please do not use fear or shame as a basis for your goal, at work or at home. Although the fear of consequences may motivate action, the results are often short-lived. And most life-style choices or big organizational changes require flexibility and creativity, both squelched in the presence of fear.

Define the Relevancy first, then ensure the Attainability. These two factors drive the psychological commitment to any goal whether it is a personal goal or one you set for your team. Without an emphasis on these two factors, SMART goals feel dumb.

Filed Under: Brain Tips, Problem-solving, Professional Development

Can a Global Perspective Be Your Personal Competitive Edge?

January 1, 2011 By

Companies are finally on the move again, in both developmental activities and promotions. How can you make sure you are on the short list for advancement? OR…If you run your own business, what will give you the competitive edge?

In my opinion, a leading differentiating factor is having a global perspective.

I have had the wonderful opportunity to teach classes globally since the 1980s. In 2010 alone, I delivered leadership and coaching programs in The Netherlands, Spain, Mexico, Singapore, South Africa and China, bringing my count to 22 countries across 5 continents.

The more I travel, the more amazed, and sad, I am about the lack of global perspective in the leaders I teach, especially in the United States. I was impressed not only by the advances in leadership mindset in Brazil, but thoroughly surprised to find Chinese leaders in profit-making companies interested in learning coaching, emotional intelligence and team collaboration skills to sustain the global success they are currently experiencing.

The United States is no longer number one in innovation. In 2010, we were rated 11th. We are sorely lacking in gender parity, which has proven to increase financial success. Our educational system continues to weaken. The shadow of the countries growing faster than us is threatening.

Yet most everything we touch these days is affected by the global marketplace. It’s important for a leader in today’s marketplace to understand the global economy to make deliberate decisions for both innovation and problem-solving.

Tim Hartford, author of The Undercover Economist, explained in an NPR interview that if you look at what goes into your daily cappuccino, you will find that the coffee, the chocolate powder, the wood for the cardboard holder and paper cup, and possibly the steel in the cappuccino maker milk comes from different countries. It’s likely only the milk is local. He notes that displacing any one part of the global economy can disrupt others… much like the analogy where the butterfly influences the hurricane.

Brain Tip: Cultivate a Global Perspective

Here are three ways you can gain this perspective:

1. Travel more

Even if you have to figure out ways to bring your family on some of your journeys, figure out ways to cross borders and oceans at least once a year.

A global perspective widens your lens of possibility. You can provide possible solutions based on what is successful in other parts of the world. Additionally, a global perspective helps you to understand the sandbox your organization is playing in.

If you can’t travel…

2. Watch global news

Sometimes I can’t get U.S. news when I travel. In Russia, I was able to access BBC. In Chile, I mostly had the English version of the Arabic-language news network, Al Jazeera. In Hangzhou, China, I watched the news from Hong Kong. I love getting a perspective of world events through different eyes. If I spoke another language, I would definitely watch the local news.

If you can’t travel, scan the channels from your local cable or satellite TV companies. Seek foreign news sites on the Internet. You might find some interesting programs from other countries. If you speak another language, you might find even more options on the list.

Even more important…

3. Talk to people.

Seek out people who have lived in other countries or at least, have traveled beyond their borders. Ask questions about the cultures, the business practices and the changing family dynamics. Be curious. Don’t judge.

When you meet people from other countries, ask them how they see your community and company in contrast to their homes. Listen for their unique insights, note their frustrations, hear their dreams, and feel their hope. We can learn so much from the people themselves beyond the news stories and books.

A progressive company should be on the outlook for innovative process and management ideas. Having a global perspective is necessary for companies to pursue superior customer experiences, profitable growth and, ultimately, a competitive edge. Will you be the one to provide this perspective?

Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D., president of Covisioning and author of Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction works with companies and individuals to implement leadership practices that are both effective and fulfilling. Read more at www.outsmartyourbrain.com

Filed Under: Brain Tips, Leadership, Professional Development

The Best Kept Secret: Women Love Power

December 1, 2010 By

I’d like to banish the widely held myth that women are uncomfortable with power, that we aren’t in touch with our power or don’t like wielding our power. These statements are not true, and they damage the credibility of women.

I do believe it’s true that women give away their power. But first women have to have power in order to give it away.

I also believe it’s true that women don’t like to publicly acknowledge their power. They don’t tell other people that they enjoy having power, and they brush off compliments about the power they demonstrate. It’s likely that they do this because they still face criticism in social and business situations if they admit to enjoying the feeling of power. It is still not safe for women to see their power as a gift.

Yet it is not possible to feel uncomfortable expressing something you don’t have. So women have to have power in order to feel uncomfortable talking about it.

The truth is, when it comes to feeling powerful, women are not only comfortable with it, they like it. We like feeling in control and don’t like it when others try to take that control away. We like being listened to and accept compliments about our wit, if not our intelligence. We like doing important work and feeling that our work is significant.

And contrary to the endless articles that claim that women are responsible for the lack of leadership positions they hold because they don’t raise their hands, look who raises their hands in school. Girls are taught early on to raise their hands. Then as adults, many volunteer for tough assignments and leadership roles.

Yes, women prefer to be asked to step into leadership positions, but unless the woman is a full-fledged introvert, she will take on more responsibilities than she can handle and only turn down leadership positions when she just doesn’t have a drop of energy left to spare.

So why do so many people keep telling women, “Step into your power”? Because women have a hard time saying, “I am powerful,” even though they like the feeling. They blush when people say they intimidate others, saying, “Who me? How could I threaten anyone?” Then they feel bad that these people think they are unapproachable, though they really don’t have time to help everyone.

Therefore, if you are a woman, the question is not, “What will it take for you to enjoy your power?” The questions are:

  • What will it take for you to admit tat you have talents, skills and wisdom that people admire and recognize?

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  • What will it take for you to feel pride for the effect you have on others?

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  • What will it take for you to appreciate being put on a pedestal because you are a model for others to follow?

Are you afraid people will negatively judge you?

They already do if they think you are uncomfortable with power. Are you afraid you will lose friends if you stand proudly in your power? You might lose friends who are envious of you but gain those who love your show of confidence. Are you afraid that you will be given too much power to handle? You won’t know what you can handle until you try it.

You like feeling powerful. Yet you give it away by not letting others know you like it.

What small steps can you take today to test whether your assumptions about the bad effects of showing your power are true? If you can prove to your brain that you will be admired more than criticized, that you will gain supportive friends to replace the ones you lose, and that you can handle the increasing responsibilities given to you (especially if you know how to powerfully ask for help), then your beliefs about your power will change.

What little things can you do today to begin to convince your brain that publicly acknowledging your power is good?

Experiment with showing people that you appreciate the power you’ve earned. Then maybe people will quit perpetuating the myth that women don’t like power. Maybe male leaders will quit saying that women don’t want power. Maybe the people who write articles and blogs will quit telling you to stop being so wimpy.

You’ve got the power. When you let people know that you enjoy your impact, then you are gracefully flaunting it. Is there anything wrong with that?

Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D. is author of “Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction.” She is also the president of Covisioning, a leadership coaching and training organization working with a variety of people and organizations around the world to develop leaders and increase employee collaboration.

Filed Under: Brain Tips, Effective Communication Skills, Professional Development, Women in Leadership

The Impending Female Brain Drain

May 31, 2010 By

Recently, articles have appeared all over the Internet demonstrating that it makes good sense to have women share the top leadership roles with men in most organizations.

According to analysts in both the United States and Europe, the more women in a company’s senior management team, the less its share price fell in 2008/09. In another study spanning 19 years, Pepperdine University found that Fortune 500 companies with the best record of promoting women outperformed their competitors by anywhere from 41 to 116 percent. McKinsey also did a global study that showed a significant difference in the financial performance of companies that have women in at least a third of the senior management positions.

Women leaders mean good business.

We know that women still lag behind men in advancement and compensation. The Harvard Business Review found women representing just 3% of Fortune 500 CEOs and less than 15% of corporate executives at top companies worldwide.

Many feel that these dismal numbers reflect a need to force the issue. Northern European countries are requiring quotas to put women in the boardroom. Finland demands that CEO’s publicly explain why they lack women at the top if the numbers are low.

From my research, I don’t think quotas or public humiliation will solve the problem. They may open doors that should have been opened a long time ago. They could give women a chance to change the system once they are in positions of power.

However, the truth is that many women opt out themselves, either choosing to stay in positions below the glass ceiling or not staying long enough in one company to earn a top spot. It is likely that a good majority of high-achieving women in organizations today have their resumes ready to use once the economy turns around and job opportunities increase. Either they will job hop or they will hop off the ladder all together and start their own businesses.

Either way, I predict the female brain drain will be a huge problem for most organizations by the end of the year. Either leaders work to engage their top female employees today or they will be struggling to engage them tomorrow.

The problem lies in how organizations both 1) develop women and 2) create corporate cultures that appeal to top female performers. Here are some ideas to share with your company’s leaders from my new book, Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction:

1. Make sure women are appropriately developed. A 2009 study of 376 organizations found that 50 percent more men get special attention than women, including mentoring and attending “high-potential programs.” Women are quicker to look for another job than men when they feel frustrated and under-appreciated. If companies want to keep their best female performers in the pipeline, they should look at how they develop women early on.

Also, provide women with a chance to network and give them coaching to help them navigate through an environment that doesn’t always appreciate their leadership styles. Give them the right tools and they will rise to the challenge.

2. Develop the culture, too. Most leaders do not know how to manage high-achieving women. I’m not talking about a woman’s need to juggle family and work responsibilities, though both men and women have this issue. I’m talking about what high-achieving women need even more than men to fully commit to their work.

In their words, this is what women want at work. This may also be true for many men, especially the younger generations, but it is strikingly true for smart, strong women.

• Help us see how our work is meaningful. Even if our products are not that meaningful in the bigger scheme of life, we want to work for companies that care for their employees, respect the environment and support their local communities. We struggle with committing to a monetary goal or a drive solely focused on beating our competitors. We will align our energies with your penchant for profit when we can see the evidence of our good work in the world.

• Continually affirm our contribution and value. We need to know how well we did in relation to the people we touch, including our peers and our customers. It’s not enough for us to know we have great knowledge and ability. We need to know that our contribution made an impact.

• Give us frequent, new challenges. We love to learn and to apply ourselves to resolving new, complex challenges. Never assume our outside responsibilities will get in the way of a demanding new task. Let us make that decision. Then work with us on creating flexible work schedules. We abhor the “who can stay the latest” contests.

• Design and foster a creative and collaborative environment. We love to work for leaders that create environments with an open flow of communications. Organizations are flatter today; let us help you design how work gets done by engaging everyone in the process instead of working through hierarchies.

Helping women climb the corporate ladder makes good business sense. Engage your female talent today before you lose them tomorrow.

If you are a woman working in an organization that mismanages high-achieving women, there’s a letter you can copy and send to your CEO at www.wanderwomanbook.com in the top right corner. Feel free to forward the document to any executive who would benefit from the message, or copy and customize the letter to fit your communication style and the needs of your organization.

Adapted from Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction.

Filed Under: Brain Tips, Leadership, Professional Development, Women in Leadership

Who Will Save the Day?

February 27, 2010 By

I love the book We Bought a Zoo. It’s a chronicle about a family who bought a run-down zoo before the animals had to be shipped out or euthanized. They had no background in running zoos, but they felt a passion for the possibility of a noble success.

My favorite story starts with an employee running into the new Zoo Director’s office to tell him the jaguar had escaped. Yet instead of dashing out into the city streets looking for victims, the jaguar leaped into the tiger’s cage next door.

The Zoo Director grabbed his gun and ran to the big cat’s cages. Why the gun? Hopefully, they could scare them apart. If they had to break up a fight, it would be better to kill one animal than to lose them both. In this case, the jaguar was the endangered species and must be preserved.

It was likely Sovereign, a male jaguar, had never seen a tiger in person until that moment. Tammy, a female tiger, was more than twice his weight and size. The Zoo Director arrived just in time to see Sovereign leap at Tammy. With one movement, Tammy smacked the smaller Sovereign across the cage like a toy. Apparently she didn’t have to adhere to society’s definition of gender and could show her strength at will.

Then, as if daring Sovereign to try again, Tammy jumped to a top of a rock, roared and crouched, ready to leap. The Zoo Director had to decide if it was time to shoot her.

But wait! There is another way to approach this problem. Yes, leaders must take decisive action in a crisis and especially in the face of danger. Or do they?

Before he pulled the trigger, the female cat keeper Kelly ordered all available men to line up in front of the cage and yell loudly at Tammy. Kelly knew Tammy didn’t like men or shouting.

All the available men, including the IT consultant and groundskeepers, quickly formed and line and started yelling at the tiger, telling her she was bad, she should go to her room, she doesn’t play well, and whatever else they could think to yell.

Tammy looked as if she were sprayed with water. She squinted and flattened her ears. The two female cat keepers gently called Tammy to her house. Within moments, she jumped off the rock and ran to her room. The door slammed behind her. Then working together, the male and female zookeepers lured the jaguar back to his cage.

When do you feel you have to make a decision on your own? In my years of teaching leadership classes, I have heard too many excuses from leaders and high-achievers who insist that they must make certain decisions on their own and much of their work can’t be delegated. Is this absolutely true? Here are some ideas to help you determine if you have to act on our own or can elicit ideas from your (hopefully) diverse team:

Tip #1: Is it a rule or a habit?

When you are making a difficult decision or handling details because you think you are the only one with answers, ask yourself, “Is it true that there is no one I can ask to help me?” People like being asked for their advice and assistance. Even if you end up acting on your own, at least they helped you weigh the options.

When I teach leadership classes, I ask the question, “What do your procedural and organizational rules say to people? Do they say, ‘I don’t trust you?’ or do your rules say, “I believe in your competence to contribute and trust that you will give your best?” It’s time to change your rules and procedures so that people feel engaged and valued.

Tip #2: Who would have a different interpretation of the event?

It is always good to ask others for their interpretation of an event to see if you are missing something. In the zoo story, the director was coming from a preservation interpretation. His female cat keeper, who works with the animals daily, had a different interpretation about the problem and the solution. Fill in your blanks by gathering other perspectives, even in a crisis.

Tip #3: Are you willing to let go of being the one who knows?

If the foundation of your success has been your intelligence and experience, then it is often hard to let someone else have the right answer. If you ask for help, will people question the core of who you think you are—the one who knows? The truth is, if you are truly the one with the most knowledge and answers, people will feel honored when you ask them for their ideas.

The best leaders assemble diverse teams with different perspectives so the best answers will emerge. If the day needs to be saved, it will be done by everyone working together.

Marcia Reynolds, PsyD is a leadership coach and sought-after speaker. Her bestselling book, Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction has been quoted in Psychology Today, ForbesWoman, The Daily Beast, and Metro News Canada. She is also the author of Outsmart Your Brain and teaches classes worldwide on emotional intelligence and leadership.

Filed Under: Brain Tips, Leadership, Professional Development, Women in Leadership
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